me and my new shades....

me and my new shades....

aug 31 and its a holiday here in Malaysia... its Merdeka... its their national day... the weather is as usual here on this side of the earth.. its sunny.. so its the perfect time to show off my new oakley shades... :-)

oakley is my favorite brand of shades, even though hindi sya bagay sa mga pango na tulad ko.. hehe... i just like its style and sometimes may bumabagay din naman sa akin.. haha.. just like this one.. bagay naman diba...

the men in my life

the men in my life

caloy & ylac, they are the most important men of my life. they are my life... i love them so much that sometimes it hurts.... right now, im here in Kuala Lumpur and these 2 men are in the Philippines... im working here and my hubby caloy is working also in the Philippines. sometimes im wondering why i have to be away from them but i believe that our big boss up there puts us where we are right now. he has his reasons and we just have to trust him...

our setup really sucks but i know that this will make our family stronger.. as the lyrics from the song better days says...

"we are all Moons in the dark of night Ain't no mornings gonna come Till the time is right Can't get no better days lest You make it through the night You gotta make it Through the night"

..:: life sucks ::..

..:: life sucks ::..



a death of a love one is probably the most painful thing anyone will go through.... double it because i lost a very important person in my life, my mom.... my not so perfect mom but one of the most loved mom ever. i may have my own way of showing my love but believe me when i say that i love her so much...

life really does sucks... why does someone needs to die? why cant we all just grow old and die only when all are memories are gone? up to now im still asking him up there, im now on the stage that i do know deep in my heart the reason but i just miss her so much that i still asks... its useless but i dont know of any other way of dealing with this feeling of loneliness ...

its barely 7 months since my mom had her wings and i know that shes always watching over me... i know that she understands me now more than ever.... i always thought back then that we just dont understand each other... maybe because that i never really let her get into the deepest of my heart... its funny that now i feel more confident that she understands and knows what im going through because shes in my heart now...

she had a lot more to give if she has just have given more time... this really sucks..... i miss her so much...

my baby bear

my baby bear

Jericho Ylac Punzalan Ibasco
April 2, 2005
6.14 lbs
Chinese General Hospital
(Manila, Philippines)



he came a little later after we checked out of the hospital, the pedia told us that he had a phlegm and he had to be treated for a week. my husband and i was so worried then, we were talking how excited we are that were finally going home with our baby when the pedia told us the bad news, i was really crying. my husband having a background on respiratory thing, convinced me that this is not dangerous and our baby will just be treated with antibiotics. still i was so worried.

and so only my husband and i went home from the hospital. the next day we visited him at the hospital, when we got home, i felt very sick, parang nabinat ako... and ang sakit ng tahi ko, caesarian kasi ako.. my husband told me na wag na sumama sa next visit. i was very sad because i want to be with my baby everyday but i had no choice, i dont want naman na pag labas ng baby ko sa hospital ako naman ang nasa hosp dahil sa binat...

and the day that weve been waiting for finally arrived, uuwi na namin si baby bear... when the nurse gave him to me, i was very careful not to hurt him, di pa ko sanay maghawak ng baby.. i made an introduction to him, i told him i was his mommy and the man next to me is his daddy... he just opened his eyes and then went back to sleep... on his first night at our home, my hubby and i cant hardly sleep, we were just both watching him sleep peacefully, he's such an angel. i cant believe that this little man came from me... it really is such a miracle.

that was the first day, after a few days, after all the puyatan and everything, pag tulog sya talagang tulog na din ako... sometimes nga mauna sya magising sa akin eh... hehe.. its hard but very fullfilling... just looking at him makes it all worthwhile

i always thank him up there for giving me this miracle, for letting me experience this... i used to think that its unfair that males doesnt have to go through this.... but now, i think that we the female kind are very lucky to experience this.. and that He was really on our side when he decided on which gender will give birth...

on becoming a mother....

on becoming a mother....

the moment i saw the 2 lines in the pregnancy test, it really felt different. i still remember it vividly...

i was the only one at home then. my hubby was at the office and i wasnt feeling well that day so i decided to take the day off...he was the one who insisted that i take the test. actually i had a hunch that maybe i am pregnant because im starting to hate the smell of my favorite perfume. but i just dont want to give my hubby so much hope because he always gets dissapointed whenever my period arrives. and to think were only 3 months married then. he really wants us to have a baby. on my side, its que suera suera, if i will get pregnant then its ok if not then maybe my feeling that im not sure if im ready maybe right and maybe my big boss up there also thinks so.

so everything was all ok, my emotions were all intact and then... there were 2 lines.. wait, what did the instructions says... 2 lines its positive, if the 2nd line is blurry repeat the test the next day, otherwise its negative... its positive... happy? excited? nervous? scared? am i ready? are we ready? can we handle this? yes im married and have a job but... this is a very big thing? this is actually another person's life that im going to mess up with if ever... i never thought i can feel so much emotions in that instant...

and then i did what i always do whenever theres a strong emotion inside me.. i talked to him up there, my big boss... and he calmed me.... and now i know what i really do feel... an overwhelmingly feeling of happiness... im going to be a mother! a parent! yes im not yet ready, but who is? i cant wait to tell my hubby...

the big day

March 27, 2004
San Agustin Church
2:00 PM
Reception: Puerta Real Garden





the big day

we never had those memorable proposals, it was automatic, i cant remember how it started but i knew that we were just arguing on which year... i want it in 2006 but he wants it to happen 2005. our relationship then was barely a year but it really helped that we were friends before we got "on" so parang ang tagal na namin... ganun yata talaga pag older guy ang bf mo, nagmamadali na magpakasal...hehe... pero come to think of it, we wouldnt have that argument if ayoko pakasal sa kanya in the first place... gusto ko na din siguro...

how did i know na sya na? well, im just so comfortable around him and alam nyo yung song na when you say nothing at all.. totoo sa amin yun... without saying a word, you can light up the dark... plus the fact na accept nya the whole me together with my flaws and my dysfunctional family. how could i say no? he's cute, gentleman, understanding, sweet, thoughtful, a good cook, he loves me and i love him... bakit pa nga ba patatagalin...

fast forward to march 27, 2005... yes, nasunod sya kung anong year kami ikakasal... lets just say he really made a way para masunod lang sya... ;-)... everything was all set. the weather is perfectly fine.. it was one of the most memorable day of our life... were going to face him and commit ourselves to each other. we will celebrate our love by marrying each other.. it was so romantic. our fairy tale....

a love story

a love story

he was one of my barkada, my male best friend... i had a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend. we were just close friends. sya lang yung kasabay ko lagi umuwi pag di ako sunduin ni bf... and then im falling out of love to my bf... and being the honest person that i am, i broke up with him. i just told him that its not working out anymore... did a lot of explaining to him and pumayag na din si bf finally.. haba pa wento pero thats another story... and he and his gf broke up also and thats also a different story...

and so i was enjoying my life as a single unattached adult.. ;-)... always out with friends, accepting suitors and everything... going into a new relationship was way out of mind... i promised myself that my next relationship will be for keeps, i dont want to hurt another person by falling out of love again, so i have to make sure that the next relationship will be true and lasting love... not just another one... i dont want to extend the list of my boyfriends naman so if im not sure of my feelings, i wont get into it...

i was just enjoying life with my friends and slowly it was happening, im getting too close to this guy that everyone thinks that were actually on... i didnt know back then that he was already into me... for me, im just so comfortable around him, were always together, we'd talk for hours on the phone on almost about everything... we discuss things, we asked each others opinion, we even go to a derma together... :-)... when friends asked if we are on, i would always deny it and say that he was not even courting me.. its possible to have a platonic relationship with a guy right???

but then i realize, maybe he's courting me and i just dont notice it and he was just the type of guy that doesnt say anything to the girl unless he's absolutely sure that the girl also feels the same way.... you know, those kind of 'sigurista' guys... well it turned out that he is one of those guys... hehe... well, im the kind of girl naman who doesnt care on how you court me kasi for me what matters most is what i really feel and if a guy really loves me... they said that mahirap turuan ang puso pero im lucky because in my case, my mind is really over my heart... even if i like a guy so much but i dont feel that he likes me too, i wont settle for it... actually i make sure pa nga na dapat mas mahal ako ng guy kesa mahal ko sya..ayokong sumakit ang ulo noh... for me, going into a relationship should be positive to both sides, if bibigyan ka lang ng heartaches, its better to be single na lang... masarap yatang maging single... hehe...

and so even if he admitted that he actually likes me and he is already courting me, i was hesitant... first because i dont want to lose a friend and 2nd, i dont know if i really like him... i know that i am comfortable around him and i like him as a friend but i dont know on another level.. ans so as not to make our lives complicated i just stayed friends with him and just waited for things to happen, if it will happen, it will... pero i was thinking... siguro nga may chance kasi kung di ko sya feel, dinispatsa ko na agad sya nung aminin pa lang nya sa akin na type nya nga ako because i had experiences of guy friends falling for me but i always say it right away na hangang friends lang kami... but with him it was different... i gave him a chance, i gave us a chance... as i said i want to really be sure for my next relationship so im not rushing into things and he understands it...

and so we stayed friends while he was courting me... i would ask him pa nga if he is sure about it kasi baka its just easy for him to court me because we are friends... baka he doesnt love me naman... he would defend himself naman... and i would feel his sincerity naman... and actually i was falling for him to... i remember when he texted me and called me "labs" in one of his text... from then on, kahit di ko pa sya sinasagot "labs" na ang tawag nya sa akin... whenever he calls me that, i feel different in a good way, so naisip ko mahal ko na nga rin siguro tong lalaki na to...

pero takot pa din ako simply because we are good friends, pano kung di magwork out??? on the other hand, wouldnt it be special to have a boyfriend and a best friend in one??? that would be perfect i think... and then i said to myself... this is it... feel ko naman na mas mahal nya ko kesa mahal ko sya and thats number one in my list of requirements... hehe... responsible naman sya, cute naman sya... sige na nga... pero......syempre torturin ko muna sya... sarap yata nun hehe... pakipot muna ko, pag susuko na sya dun ko sya sagutin... haha... so i was decided na gusto ko na din sya and ready na ko sagutin sya pero enjoyin ko muna ang courtship nya... and the rest was history....

hello world

hello world

while a lot of people are into blogging, this is my first blog. whats in blogging ba? well, personally its just an outlet, an expression or simply a way to past time. i always wanted to start this stuff way back pa but i was really hesitant simply because im not a writer. yes im not and i hate it. bakit ba hindi ko talent ang magsulat??? come to think of it, wala nga pala akong talent... well, if you will call programming a talent, siguro yun ang talent ko... hehe... yes, im a programmer. an it consultant for 9 yrs, lapit na mag 10.. mag isang dekada na pala... anyways, back to not being a writer.... its really hard for me putting into words what i really feel. i envy those who can and have a large vocabulary... but then i realize, why not blog? baka madevelop ang writer within me and then finally magkaron na ko ng talent.. hehe...

sorry na lang sa mga makakabasa at di nagustuhan ang sinulat ko... sorry at nasayang ang oras nyo pero im blogging here for my own satisfaction and not to give you a reading material.. :-).. so this is my first blog... hello bloggers! hello world!